Half Glenanne, Half Westen
by funnywithachanceofmurder
Summary: "I would not want to have to chase after the little terrors that would be yours and Mike's kids." Both Fiona and Michael looked offended. "What's that supposed to mean?" Short oneshot. Michael, Fi, Sam, and Jesse have an interesting conversation.


I (you guessed it) still don't own. Sigh. Anyway, I found this half finished on my computer and was amused, so I finished it. Enjoy!

Half Glenanne, Half Westen

Michael stepped into the kitchen of the loft and Jesse quirked an eyebrow at his attire. He was, surprisingly, dressed in a traditional black and white tuxedo.

"Getting married?" He questioned with a slight laugh.

Michael shot him a glare. "Don't give Fi any ideas."

"I'll take that as a no, then," He smirked.

Michael was about to answer, but was interrupted by the door to the loft opening, revealing Fiona. She, like Michael, was also in formal wear. Her dress was strapless, a midnight blue so dark it could be mistaken for black, fitted at the top, and flowing into a full skirt at the bottom. Her hair was up, with some pieces falling loosely around her face.

"Wow," Jesse said at the same time Michael said, "Fi, you look… perfect."

She smiled at the pair of them, and spoke. "I just hope today doesn't end up like the last time I went to a formal party."

Both men flinched at the mentioning of her kidnapping and she rolled her eyes.

"So, where is it you guys are going?" Jesse questioned again.

Michael sighed. "Ugh, we're headed to watch Mr. and Mrs. Nate Westen renew their vows." He didn't sound too happy.

"Nate Westen?" Jesse asked.

"Michael's little brother," Fiona answered.

"Yupp, my little brother, and his wife, Ruby or Ruth or whatever her name is…"

Jesse raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Fiona, however, was shaking her head. "Michael, Michael, Michael… Aren't spies supposed to remember everything? And here you can't even remember your own brother's wife's name."

He rolled his eyes. "Please, Fi. Do you know her name?"

She paused, and he looked smug. "Well he's not _my_ brother," she finally answered, looking just as smug as he did.

"He might as well be."

"And what is that supposed to mean? Last I checked I was not related to Nate."

He gave her an exasperated look. "I didn't say you were related to him, I said you might as well be… like a… sister… in law. Or something."

"Am I missing something?" she questioned, studying her left hand. When she found it empty she continued, "We're not married, Michael."

"I know that, Fi…" She didn't answer, so he continued to talk, this time seriously. "Come on, Fi. Don't you know that I consider you family? And so does my mom, and even Nate. He invited you today, didn't he?"

She smiled a little. "You really think of me as family, Michael?"

"I just assumed you knew that."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't assume."

"I consider Sam family, too." She looked a little less happy after that statement.

"And here I thought I was special."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"And what role does Sam fit into, Michael?"

"Um, I don't know, like…"

Fiona interrupted him. "How about that crazy uncle no one likes, but you have to invite since he's related to you?"

A voice came from the doorway, startling all three occupants. "I'd take offense to that, but usually the kids love the crazy uncle, so I'll take what I can get." Sam stepped into the loft, in a very un-Sam looking suit.

"You're going, too?" Jesse asked.

"Well, you heard that one," he gestured towards Fiona, "I'm part of the family," he added sarcastically.

Fi rolled her eyes. "Who says the kids would like you?"

"I didn't say they definitely would, I said they probably would. But, if we're talking about this family, I'd rather not be not included at all."

"Why not?" Fi questioned, curious.

"I would not want to have to chase after the little terrors that would be yours and Mike's kids."

Both Fiona and Michael looked offended. "What's that supposed to mean?" Michael asked.

"Um, hello? A kid small enough to fit almost anywhere, whose half Michael Westen and half Fiona Glenanne… I don't know where to begin." Jesse nodded in agreement, but the couple still looked offended.

"Imagine this… a little boy with Fi's love for explosions and Michael's super spy smarts." Fiona looked vaguely happy at the idea.

"Or even worse, a little girl… She'd be all cute and innocent looking, and then BAM! She'd get you."

Now Michael looked amused. "You think my daughter'd be able to get the drop on you, Sam?"

"Yeah," he answered plainly, "Even worse, she'd probably have us all wrapped around her finger, so I'd forgive her."

"That's a frightening thought," Jesse interjected, receiving glares from both Michael and Fiona.

"Don't look at me," he said, throwing his arms up in defense. "Sam started it!" The couple turned their attention to Sam.

"What?" he said. "Like I'm wrong? She'd get Fi's good looks, and Mike's big blue eyes, and she'd flash us all one look and we'd be done for."

Michael couldn't help but smile. "Well, if she looked anything like her mother, she'd be gorgeous," Michael said softly. Fiona smiled and Michael put a hand on the small of her back.

"And if she acted anything like her, she'd be crazy," Sam interjected, receiving another glare from Fiona, and an amused glance from Michael.

"I'd make certain she knew how to use a gun," Fiona added. Michael shot her an exasperated look. "What?" she questioned innocently.

"You'd teach our daughter how to use guns, Fi? Is that really appropriate?" Michael questioned.

"Not just guns, Michael," she said. "Explosives, too, and hand to hand combat, maybe tactical analysis…"

Michael just stared at her while Jesse and Sam stood on the sidelines with matching grins.

"Fi," he groaned. "Please tell me you'd at least wait until she reached a reasonable age," he pleaded.

"I think once she started walking would be a good starting point."

Michael's eyes practically bugged out of his head, and Sam couldn't completely disguise the laugh he let out. Michael shot him a glare before returning his attention to Fiona. "I was thinking more along the lines of once she hit puberty, Fi…"

Fiona scoffed. "Please, Michael. She'd be a Westen. She would need to learn to shoot before she learned long division."

Michael shook his head, prepared to respond, until Jesse interrupted. "I don't know, Mike. Wouldn't you want her to know all this stuff before boys started calling?" Jesse questioned, opening up a whole new can of worms.

Michael's face paled slightly. "I take it back," he said. "She'd learn how to fight before she's walking."

Sam let out another bark of laughter, and Jesse and FI both grinned in response.

"What?" Michael asked, exasperated. "She wouldn't only be a Westen, she'd be a Glenanne, too. And that would mean boys would be chasing after her. Trust me, I know," he said. "I fell for a Glenanne."

Sam smiled. "You know, Mike, who said she'd want to fight the boys off?" Sam questioned with a smirk.

"Oh, she wouldn't be dating until she was… Ever. She wouldn't date ever," Michael said with a sense of finality. Fiona rolled her eyes in exasperation, and Sam and Jesse laughed again.

"Like either one of you two would want to see her dating," Michael said pointedly, glaring at Jesse and Sam. Both of their grins faded. "That's what I thought."

"The poor girl," Fiona said, glancing at the three of them. "She'd never be able to go anywhere between the three of you."

"Damn straight," Sam replied, and Fiona rolled her eyes again as Jesse and Michael nodded in agreement.

"And Nate probably wouldn't be any better," she added as an afterthought. As soon as she mentioned his brother, Michael glanced at his watch and swore.

"We're late," he said quickly, ushering Fi and Sam out the door. "See you later, Jesse," Michael said as he headed towards the door.

"Bye," Jesse answered. "Just don't come back married yourself, Mike," he called after him with a laugh, "I'm not sure the world could handle a kid that's half Glenanne, half Westen."


End file.
